I am an unmarried mother.

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‘Embryology is the science of the development of an embryo from the fertilization of the ovum to the fetus stage.’ I read as my eyes ran over the lines printed on the page again and again and I tried to make some sense out of it. But my brain seemed too tired to function; I fought to keep my eyes open. Even five cups of strong coffee did not help me to concentrate; I doubt the anxiety of exams will do anything! Convinced that I won’t be able to study, I close my book and lean my head on the back of the chair. My eyes closed on its accord as a blissful sleep engulfed me. An ear piercing scream jerked me out of the darkness; I could hear her sobs the sound of which made my feet rush towards her. As I opened the door I see her little figure sitting in the crib with her hands up in the air. Her cheeks flushed red from crying and her nose was flowing, I could also see the rims of her eyes that were red. My heart broke a little as I took my little girl into my arms and cooed, as if sensing her mother’s touch she snuggled closer. Her cries came to stop eventually as I kept patting her back and whispering stuffs in a baby voice. She fell asleep in my arms, angelic she looked with a cute frown on her face, her long eyelashes casting a shadow under her eyes and the bubbles that came out from her mouth. She had my top crumpled tight in her small fists as if I would leave her if she let go. I smile at her and gently kiss her on the forehead as I lay on the bed with her tiny body curled up on me. The feeling of peace and contentment settles in the pit of my stomach as the sleep comes to me naturally again.

My back hurts as I try to turn in my sleep and suddenly my brain registers the weight on my chest. I slowly open my eyes but it is momentarily blinded by the sunrays penetrating through the glass window, which reminds me to roll down the curtains every night before I sleep. I lift up Daisy from atop of me and place her in her crib gently as to not wake her up. I walk over to the window and stretch my muscles as pain erupts from all the earlier numb places. My face scrunches up in pain I refrain myself from making any noise as I roll down the curtains and cover Daisy with a blanket, giving her a final look I walk out of the room and lightly close the door behind me.

mother-and-child-1a

I flop myself on the couch, holding my head with my hands as it rests on my knees I sigh as I feel the headache. With Daisy not keeping well these past few days I could not catch enough of sleep and the studies and everything has really got me worked up. It is hardly six in the morning; curse summer days to begin early! As if the hot water running on my body might just make me feel better, I go through the morning routine of brushing my teeth and taking shower. I did feel better but my body still felt stressed or maybe my mind did. When I was about to resume studying my doorbell ringed. Walking over to the door, peeping through the hole on the door I see the familiar face of my neighbor’s daughter and my new friend. I open the door and she lunges on me, she is my age which is 20 and her hugs are just wonderful, in a carefree way but yet tight enough to let you know you are not alone. I laugh at her childishness but at the same time I am pleased to have her here. She is the only person I really talk to after Daisy. “Had nothing much to do so I thought why not entertain you, I know it is not my babysitting day since you don’t have practical today but it is fun to be with you and Daisy speaking of her, how is she?” she rambled on as she made herself home on the couch. ‘Cool of Tina, daisy is fine and I am glad you like spending time with us’, I reply with a smile.

I made us some coffee as she applied butter on the toast, taking everything we needed we sat on the dining table.  We spend time talking about random things, about her studies and my exams. I told her about the stress my body is facing lately and she empathized. It is weird how we are the same age and how different our lives are. When she has her parents, family and friends to look after her the only person I have is Daisy. My parents fund my studies and maintenance for which I am thankful, if it wouldn’t have been for them I don’t know where I and Daisy would be. “Why don’t you live with your parents?” Tina asked out of the blue. I gave a bitter smile not to her but at the thought, the only conversation they ever have with me is asking me if I got the money that too via a text message. I haven’t  talked to them or met them for real in over a year. The day they found out I was impregnated by a stupid guy who was not man enough to accept me and the baby, they told me to choose between the baby and them. Obviously I did not abort my child and was ready for the consequences. It is not their fault neither it is mine. I may have made a few mistakes and trusted the wrong person, but Daisy is not one of those, she can never be a mistake. If only the society could accept the child without a father’s name, if only the society did not stress on a woman being virgin on her wedding night and if only the society did not impose wedding as the license to have sex, I would have been in a different position today. I wouldn’t be looked at with disgust; I wouldn’t be scared to love again. But off course I did not tell her all this, instead I replied “They did not accept Daisy because I was still young and unmarried”.

 

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