Dealing with Infidelity

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Life in a metro. I happened to catch this movie today and it got me thinking about infidelity, its causes and its consequence. The movie revolves around a group of people living in Mumbai, the economic capital of India. This sprawling metropolis is synonymous with ambition and a drive for professional success and money-making which in turn sucks out the love of the lives of the protagonists, and  this leads  to infidelity. There’s this line in the movie that sums up all of it, “She didn’t leave me and I didn’t leave her, Love left us”

It happens. There is infidelity. Your partner has cheated on you and you have found out. The entire foundation of your relationship falls apart. Your partner is pleading with you to forget the transgression but you can’t. When a loved one betrays you and latches on to another person, it can be painfully devastating. Relationships are fragile and are built on trust. And once the trust is broken it is difficult to get it back to the original chemistry. Whether you should forgive your once-trusted partner or end the relationship depends on what is at stake. There can certainly be no black and white decisions as many factors comes into play. Sometimes an affair might just be a cry for help for both the partners to start reinvesting in their relationships again.

If it is too painful, let it go. Admit that you are hurting, that you need time out. Accept that you are feeling betrayed and let down. And that your self esteem and balance has been shaken. Give yourself time and space to heal. Don’t decide to end the relationship in a state of confusion and hate. Move away for a while to a neutral venue, where you can reflect about your path ahead and your future decisions. Stop behaving like you were at fault, that you neglected your partner or you nagged him or her into cheating .Everyone has a choice and it is not your fault that your partner decided to indulge in an affair. Stop feeling like a victim. Accept what has happened and move on. It shouldn’t have happened, but it has and nothing is going to change that. An affair is devastating to almost everyone involved.

Cry if you want to as it allows for emotional release. Look for friends and relatives you can confide in and who you can count on for support and sound advice. An emotional blow like this might cause physical symptoms like sleep problems, comfort eating, etc. Make an effort to stay happy. Find people who make you happy and spend time with them. However going to the third party and creating a scene over the situation is not very dignified and just makes you look sorry.

However if you think if your relationship was worth more than a momentary indiscretion. And if you believe that your partner is truly repentant, and will not cheat again, make the effort to forgive. Once you’ve forgiven, move forward. Move beyond the arguments and the pain. Go for couples counseling. A counselor might be able to see and tell you what you need to work on to make the relationship work again. Try and analyse why the infidelity happened. Whether it is a one-off incident of infidelity, a one night stand or something physical with no emotional involvement; why the straying happened and whether there is scope for forgiveness and healing. Both of you must discuss what went wrong, what each of you could have done differently, and what each of you need to do to move on from the hurt and disappointment. Once you have figured it out, you might find it easier to see things form you partner’s perspective and come to a decision whether you should forgive your partner .Keep in mind that sometimes things are irretrievable and that some relationships are damaged beyond repair. Be prepared to live with this reality. Also be discreet about your partner’s infidelity. Only share it with a close friend or relative who can be counted on not to spread the word. You don’t want everyone looking at you with sympathy dripping from their eyes. Finally, do be as unemotional as you can be, breaking a relationship is a very difficult thing. Weigh all the pros and cons before coming to a decision .as the end of the day, relationships have survived infidelities and relationships have been broken by marriages. It’s impossible to be in a relationship these days without worrying about infidelity. The bottom-line is your response to infidelity and how you choose to deal with it

So, what can you do to ensure that your man won’t cheat on you? Here are few tips about how to affair-proof your relationship:

  • Choose your partner wisely. Be honest with yourself about what you’re looking for in a partner. Do not make excuses for issues such as wandering eyes, flirting with co-workers, friends and so-on during courtship.
  • Be honest with each other and ask for advice. Honesty and trust go hand in hand
  • Talk about it. Open and honest communication from the beginning will help to establish the tone of your relationship.
  • Solve the little problems. Pay attention to moods and solve petty arguments quickly. Small, meaningless issues lead to bigger problems later. So nip the problem in the bud.
  • Show your appreciation.
  • Remain friends. The foundation of a good relationship is friendship

Live life to the fullest but stay faithful!


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