Divorce, is she to be blamed for it?

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Divorce in dictionary










Tanya is a 29 year old woman. She is educated independent teacher in primary school. She is also a mother of one. She is divorced by her husband.

Tanya is a brave woman. She fought all the problems that came her way. She was not the one who was divorced; it was she who gave divorce to her husband. The reason was she was harassed for dowry, by her in laws and husband and was never given the respect that she deserved. She was also not allowed to meet her parents. During her pregnancy too she had to go a lot of stress. But she made sure that her child doesn’t get affected by it.

It’s been two years that she is divorced. Her parents have supported her well. I must say she is lucky to get the support of her parents. I will tell you why she is lucky further. After 8 months that she was divorced her parents started finding her a new life partner that will accept her and her child together so that she start her life in a new and fresh way.

There came a proposal. She agreed for her parents and child sake that he will get a father’s hand on his head always. The day the guests come to Tanya place, after having various talks they keep a condition that they won’t accept the child, and during all the marriage ceremony the child should not be present. That gave Tanya and her parents a big shock. It was obvious and non accepting condition that they put before. Tanya rejected it as she is a mother, how can she leave her child alone.

Sometimes Tanya mother used to think that such conditions should be accepted. She used to tell Tanya that they, his grandparents will take care of their grandson, and that Tanya should marry and get settle. But Tanya never agreed. She did not leave her child alone. And decided to be his mother and father both. Tanya’s parents supported her decision.

You see, how divorced women are neglected. Sometimes it happens so that the woman is not even having a child, but still she is neglected and tagged she is a divorcee.

How vicious behavior is that. Most of the typical Indian families think that it is the women responsible for getting divorced. Why is she to blame? If she is not able to conceive it is still she is the one who is blamed. At least in the case above Tanya was educated and had her parents who supported her. Let me give you one more incident that I know and you all must have been come across.

Sangita, 20 just 12th pass had a desire to study and be independent. But her conservative family did not all allowed her to study more. They were like, we gave you enough time, and it’s now that you should get married. She was made to learn cooking stitching and all chores of house and was prepared to get married. For her parents happiness sake she did it all.

She was married to a land lending dealer age 26 when she was 19 years old. Her parents gave as much dowry as they could. But then after some months she gets to know that her husband is addicted to drinking. He used to come home drunk and used to beat sangita for not bringing ample of money from her parents. He also used to sexually harass her and her in laws used to see that all but never uttered a word. Her in laws used to abuse her, harass her to tell her parents to give more money and expensive things for their house.

When sangita happened to tell all this to her parents, her parents told her to talk to her husband, impress her in laws. Bear the pain for some days and then things might be fine. She was told when she will give birth to a child or two things might go well. And her parents agreed to give more money to her in laws. As they explained her if she get’s divorced, the society wont respect her and them. they will curse her as well as her family. They don’t want her to get back to them and be like a burden. No one would marry her again.

Sangita was shattered. She felt smacked as her parents did not supported her and pushed her filthy and lousy condition when she needed their support the most. The harassment continued again, she was leeched, and could not find a way. She knew it was contempt to go back to her parents and talk to them.

She effortlessly took all the pains suffering and taunts. And there came a day when she realized she is pregnant. But when her in laws knew she is pregnant, they told her that it should be a boy, and not a girl or else she will be sent back to her parents.

After some months, they thought to check if it’s a boy or a girl. The husband paid some money to a greedy doctor and told sangita to be ready for the next day. He did not told her that she is going to be checked if it a boy or a girl in her womb, but was told it’s her normal routine checkup.

It happened that she heard her in laws and husband discussing about the check up and then she got to know the truth. She cried all night. She then decided to end the problem once and for all. She killed herself and with her the innocent too died.

You see in both cases the situation was different. But the problem was same. We live in a society that has got a big nose to poke in others life. The society and their narrow minded thinking don’t let the common man to live in peace. You see sangita had her own dreams, her aspiration to study and be an independent woman one day. But her parents did not support her. If she was allowed to study further, the situation would have been different. She would have been alive and would have easily got divorced and could live her life with dignity without being a burden on someone.

It is tough for a woman to be a woman. Don’t make it worse, by making boundaries in her life, let her live the way she want to. Respect her and her dreams. Support you daughter, sister, wife, mother, and all those women whom you come across.


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