In order to be at peace with oneself, it is extremely important to love oneself. Self love is at the very core of well-being, joy, self-empowerment, and your ability to create and enjoy the kind of life you want. You cannot enjoy happiness if you are not at peace with yourself. You could have a million people telling you that they love you, but none of them would matter if you didn’t love yourself. Loving yourself is the greatest gift you can give to yourself, and to the society.
Conversely, you could be self-assured and confident, but that can get destroyed in one moment if the person you are the closest to, the person you trust the most makes you feel like you are not worth it. It starts building up over time. One careless remark here, one rude retort, it can build up into something far more dangerous over time. There are some people, who might be going through a rough patch, who vent by making you feel worthless. You start questioning yourself. You start wondering if anyone else cares about you. You start hating yourself. At that time, it is extremely important to break free from such individuals, no matter how difficult it may seem at that time. It is not wrong to put yourself before others, in these cases. Because only when you free yourself from such stifling conditions will you realize how much beauty and love is present in this world.
I have heard and read of so many wonderful women who were ruined because of abusive relationships. What starts as possessive grows on to be suffocating. What starts as concerned grows on to be stifling. There are insults thrown your way every single day, you are made to feel worthless, and slowly, you start believing it. You lose your confidence, you lose your self-esteem, Slowly, you start hating yourself.
Being self-assured, confident and strong, I used to scoff at such stories, wondering why women would ever put themselves in such stupid situations. Until, i found myself in a similar situation. I was a teenager, starry-eyed, and had convinced myself that I was in love. I found myself in a similar situation and that’s when I realized how difficult it was. And that’s when I did the best thing I possibly could- I told him to get lost. Some people are just past help, and losing yourself in the process of healing them is just not worth it. With the encouragement of my friends, I broke free, and I rediscovered myself in the process. I came out of the ordeal stronger than ever before. I swore, I would never let anyone treat me that way. And most of all, I would never let anyone make me feel like I hated myself ever again.
Well, I recently got a message from the same ghost of my past, and it was disturbing to say the least. He accused me of being selfish, he made me feel guilty about the fact that I had put myself before him. He yapped on for a very long time, but I refused to show him how upset I was. I gave him standoffish, sarcastic one line replies, which eventually made him get fed up and respond with a wonderful “I hate you”, before I blocked him.
I was upset for quite some time, before I realized I was being extremely foolish. I broke free from that mentally abusive relationship for a reason. At the end of the day, if you cannot love yourself, there is absolutely no way you can love anyone else. Yes, may be I didn’t know what circumstances he was going through, but that gave him no right to make me hate myself, and my situation, if it was even for a millisecond. You deserve the No.1 priority in your life, and whichever idiot tells you otherwise, is precisely that, an idiot. I have so many people who love me, who care for me, yet none of them would matter if I wouldn’t love myself. There is nothing wrong in breaking free of all those chains of hatred that prevent you from loving yourself. I had realized that I had broken free of those chains, and no matter how many harsh words the idiot may hurl at me, they would mean nothing, because I was free. I loved myself, I had so many people who loved me and there was absolutely no space in my life for this black dot, amidst a sea of white, a sea of peace, a sea of love. I was finally at peace.
The next day, when I met my best friend, the weather was glorious. It was raining, it was green and fresh and everything looked lively. As his eyes landed on me amidst a sea of people, he looked at me with a questioning gaze, as if silently asking me, “Are you fine?”
My face broke out into a huge smile, my eyes twinkled and I genuinely felt happy. As we sat down on the side-walk, cracking stupid jokes and watching the rain pour around us, I happily thought, “Yes, I am”.