Marriage is considered to be one of the most important stages in a person life. Marriage is a sacred relation which is both a sacrament and an obligatory duty. Whether love or arranged it is one of the relation which is chosen and not something that we are born with, then why is it said that marriages are made in heaven? If they were made in heaven why lot of them fall apart?
In India, usually it is the parents who find the life partner after a long and thoughtful process of research. How is the family? Is the guy stable, are they earning enough? Is the girl and guy a good match for each other? Apart from these there are thousand different parameters on which a marriage is decided. In case of love marriages too decision is made on compatibility, attraction and affection. It is often said that someone somewhere is made for you. But how do we know this is the one and that he or she is the one you have been waiting for? What is more important; finding the right person or being the right person?
Marriage is not just coming together of two people, there is much more to it. With changes in social environment we see cases of people getting separated have increased. To sustain it there should be equal effort from both sides. To find happiness within marriage there should be love, commitment, understanding and mental compatibility. Apart from being honest, trustworthy, showing respect, some basic elements for a successful relationship are being empathetic, sharing common interests, good communication, having love and affection for each other. The presence of all these elements not necessarily enhances and builds the relationship but yes absence of any of these would definitely turn this sweet relationship into sour. Few important aspects which might make a marriage last and help people to live happily are:
Communicate – talking graciously to each other about the thoughts, desires or even about small things helps a lot. Expressing needs and feelings in a positive way is a foundation for resolving most of the conflicts. Communication does not mean expressing your views only it is also about active listening, it is important to listen to other person and understand rather than just pretending to listen. One should be mindful that the focus while conversing should be on us rather than on me. Admitting to mistakes and asking for forgiveness is what one should commit to. Communication between the partners is an important block for building a good relationship.
Compromise – one should know what his/her spouse needs and compromise should be made whenever and wherever possible. This doesn’t mean that only one person has to compromise all the time. Couples need to balance the feelings and interests of both partners when making decisions. One should not expect to have everything in one’s own way; be willing to compromise. Successful relationships don’t have a winner or a loser and therefore one should not keep a score.
Manage and prioritize – Appreciating the partner for even the little things they do it for you and finding balance between work and family is important. There should be no boss in a relationship; all the responsibilities should be managed together. Managing the ups and the downs of the life together is very important.
Romance – romance should be alive no matter how many years have passed by. Taking out time for each other, surprising each other with gifts or token of appreciation are good ways of keeping the romance alive. Finding happiness in each other company and never taking the relationship for granted helps a lot.
Empathy – having empathy for others is important in all relationships. One should identify with the feelings and place oneself in another person’s shoes. Everyone wants their feelings to be understood and validated. One should not get into fix-it-mode. One should understand that their spouse is not perfect and neither are they. We should accept them the way he or she is rather than expecting them to be the way we want and desire
Try to be a friend – a best friend is also usually someone that can be confided to trusted, and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that shares interests, experiences, dreams, upsets and failures. One should be like a friend that one would want to keep throughout life.
It is very difficult to come to a conclusion or say that these are the only ways to have a good relationship because every individual is different. Maintaining a good relationship with your husband or wife is not a big task at all, marriage is not about compromises, and one doesn’t need to compromise anything, if the relation is built by using love and trust. Every relationship needs lot to be put in, a happy married life calls for constant love and commitment for each other. There are many small and minute aspects which everyone has to take care of for successful running of a marriage. In my personal view – “Successful marriage is not just about finding the right partner it is also about being the right partner”.