Running in slow circular motion, making a rusty sound, the white fan hung from the ceiling of my hospital room. All I did was stare into space not that I could do anything else. My mind seemed awake but it did not respond, as if it was tired and angry at everything going around. I could hear the constant beeping sound of the machine that was fixed somewhere close to me; the sound was annoying and was mentally wearing me out. But my eyes refused to budge from where it was now staring into open space. I was aware of people coming in and going out of my room, there were little movements around me. How I wanted to wake up and not sleep with open eyes, how I wanted to scream out loud that I am okay and alive most importantly! Go and catch the culprit who is responsible for my condition. But all I could do was stare at the ceiling fan and wait for someone to shake me out of this semi sleep. Pity I could not even feel the pain I was destined to, anger coursed through my veins but even that did nothing to wakeup my cold body.
I hear a voice then, not just any voice but his voice, teasing me and laughing at my helplessness just like it did that night. That night when every ounce of life was taken away from my body, tears fell and fell many witnessed it all, as they played the role of silent spectators in the crime. Happy and cheerful I was walking my way back to home after a hard day at work, I was waiting to see my little baby smiling and dragging her walking chair towards me as I entered the house, I wanted to talk to my husband on how I had planned about what school she will go to and give him the tickets of our holidays in the admission form of a school so I can treat myself to the various emotions that crosses his face and finally the look of surprise that sustains.
Every single emotion was ripped from my body when two strangers came from behind me and lifted me up and piled me into a taxi, I tried, I tried hard to let myself free but suddenly everything went black and I could feel nothing. That was until a bucket of cold water was poured on me and a white torch was flashed on my eyes. Shivering I tried to cover them from the harsh light but to my little surprise all I could do was blink its harshness. That fuelled my predators desire as he marched towards me with the lust filled eyes, I swear I saw drool on his chin. Those hands were like knife that did more than damaging my physical body, with every piece of clothing that was taken off me there was a deeper stab made into my soul.There were other men too waiting for a chance to devour my body just like the first one did, like I was a toy just to pleasure them, my screams were muffled by his big hands covering my mouth, so much to be a man I thought.No one came then, it was like I was in a different world where no humans lived. Even they had a family somewhere, didn’t they? If not family they at least knew a woman called mom or maybe they didn’t and I am assuming way too much. But one thing I knew for sure then, that I won’t be able to see myself in the mirror without feeling grossed, I lost my spine not literally but I knew I will never have a voice again and that life will only be the countless days for me. I won’t feel the pain but I won’t feel the joy either.
Once their deed was done I was tossed into the garbage pit just like the other used and degraded items. I smelled just like those things ‘dirty’! Sore and bleeding I was found half awake by a sweeper. And just like that all colours were taken away from my life as the only thing I was left with is white open space. Cannibals in the face of humans they were, they took my life without even having to shred my flesh, nibbling on my raw skin did them fine. I cannot even cry, for now what remains is stillness. I recollect one of those times when I prayed for the rape victims to be all right and fight. But now I realize what a fool I was, person like me can never fight, if my body is not ready to take my brain’s orders, I cannot expect much from others. I don’t know how long I have been zoned out for, I don’t know what day or date it is today, for my eyes now can only see ceiling fan and its whiteness, there are no sun rays to illuminate my vision, there is no warmth for my body, all that remains is motionless stillness now and forever.