I have a very bad habit, I keep forgetting my gender. Sometimes this forgetfulness is for seconds and sometimes for hours but usually some or the other angel in disguise reminds me my place in society.
I don’t remember the initial years of my life and thus cannot say when I realized that I had a vagina. But I did realize it. I used to run around in parks, in my neighbors houses, in dark deserted places and explored my neighborhood. I knew every shortcut or hiding place that I might need during hide and seek. My mother did not worry much; she knew i knew my way back. I played kabaddi with my guy friends and usually everyone wanted me in their team because nobody could stop me. When I looked at my father, my brother or my guy friends I felt a part of their world. I did not want to be like them because I did not know that I was any different. Yes, I played doll house but so did my brother. I never knew that doll houses were strictly for girls. I liked pink color but so did my best friend (a guy). I used to beat everyone in race or hand wrestling.
But somebody had to remind me that this was not my world. It was time for me to realize that I was a ‘girl’. A casual stroke on my body by a beloved neighbor did it at once. After that I started noticing the difference not only in our physiognomy but also psychology. Yes, I grew and so did restrictions but something worked inside me, something that made me conscious of my own body.
With my first crush came the conscious realization to walk and talk in a certain way. Every time I passed him or a guy I found attractive, my gut would start twisting, hands would go cold, heart would start a marathon and feet would get so heavy that every step I took felt like a slow motion scene from Amitabh Bachchan’s movies. In those year long moments I realized my gender.
When I walked the streets and saw a bunch of men on bikes beside the tea stalls who glanced at me or my girl friends, my body would react again. My hands go cold, heart races, gut lurches and every second feels like a year. Yes, it is amusing that the traits of attraction and fear are very similar. But again, in these very moments I realize how different I am from the men on the bikes. They might be normal guys, hanging for a cup of tea but every time I pass them I realize how different I am from them.
When I am among my girl friends, everything is so easy. I can jump, scream and run without the fear of drawing attention to myself. But around men it’s different. I know they are men and that makes it complex. Either I like them or I fear them. Obviously there are men I do not notice or the random guys around you and me, nevertheless, these random strangers too make you look outside yourself and recognize that you are different.
I can never understand a man nor would I want to because the more I understand them the more I will see the differences.
We are two highly intelligent yet different species who are trying to co-exist with each other.
Do these differences make us inferior to them? Are these differences a cause for conflict? Is it bad?
Answering every gender question has become so important these days that here I am writing these articles on the theme: Women. There are a variety of answers and numerous articles but they are as true as they are false. Yet, if one tries to answer these questions one can easily say that women and men are equally capable to do anything they want. Your strength and capabilities depend on how you hone your skills or adapt your body. There are women wrestlers as there are business women. There are house husbands as there are men chefs. The world is trying to lower the differences so that I do not feel different from the male specie. The differences have already caused movements, riots and revolutions where women seek freedom to study, work and be independent. We might be on level with men on the education or employment platform but what about our psychology? How similar are we there? Sorry, but I do not have this answer and you might have to actually talk to the ‘other’ race for this. Isn’t it hilarious that I, the other gender, am calling men the ‘other’ race?
The most important question is if the difference between us is good or bad. Well who doesn’t like a spicy and colorful life? I love how we all are so different but every time I see you I shouldn’t notice my own incapability or disadvantages against you. When I meet you, I want us to have a healthy exchange of knowledge and adventures. I as well as you should love each others differences rather than being conscious of it.
Yes, I dream of an equal society where we are humans who look different but yet are Homo sapiens. A utopia of genderless society, an achievable utopia it is.