Ten seconds into this conversation, you’ve established one thing – this man does not respect me.
What do you do? You do not budge, you do not flinch but you set your boundaries. You need to be assertive and firm, and you need to make sure that no precedent is set for any further abuse. Unfortunately, as ashamed as I am to say it, many men still try to take advantage of women’s timidity.
They use that shyness and prey on it in order to create servants from themselves, and if such a man were to see that a woman didn’t know her own limits, he’d push them. Test them. See how far this girl’s shyness goes, how far her reluctant “Yes” can take her. They’re fascinated by the perverted thrills they’ll get out of abusing an innocent woman.
Do you want to be that woman? I presume not.
So you need to set your boundaries straight right from the beginning. You need to make your potential abuser understand that you’ve got no room for abuse in your life. But you must be wondering how that’s done?
Well first of all, you need to let people know that you’re a woman who backs up her words. The greatest indicator of deep insecurity within women is speaking and not being able to back it up with actions. It is a white flag raised high in the abuser sky. Always make sure that you’re someone who can pay for her spending, deliver upon her deadlines and fulfill her promises.
You also need to ensure that you’re always in control of yourself. Intoxicated or not, if you’re a frolicking teenager with no sense of consequence or bad luck, you can end up in some very nasty places; socially, financially and even physically. You’ll be calling abusers all over the world if you go about drunker than you can manage all the time.
One thing I wish to stress: your clothes are not a problem.
Nobody has the right to tell someone how to dress, or to abuse them and then later justify it based on your attire. In fact, reasoning like this should double the sentence, because it indicates pre-meditation. If you thought about the fact that her clothing was bad enough to make you abuse her, then you fully intended to do it. It wasn’t a drunken accident or a bout of madness. You’re a cold, sick offender.
The next important thing women need to keep in mind is common sense – why ride off into the sunset in the car of an absolute stranger you’ve never met? It sounds fun but the world of today is much more serious than that. People are abducted, trafficked and cut organs out of everyday. They’re raped and dumped in trash cans too. Some very twisted individuals out there have unfortunately destroyed the safety and trust between humans. Trust me, you don’t want to be a victim so avoid late-night meetings with dodgy characters in shady place. Avoid being caught out of your guard and learn to defend yourself with martial arts or a weapon.
Together, these factors will contribute greatly to enhancing the strength of your shields. But they’re not everything, because some abusers are friends. Men you know and trust, suddenly asking you for things you don’t want to give him! What about then?
Unfortunately, you need to understand that there’s been a gross misunderstanding in the relationship. For some reason, he thought it was a romantic one and you saw it as strictly professional. Unfortunately, at this point, it is you who stands the most to lose. Why? Because he may overpower you and try to take what he believes he deserves. Once again, this is not the typical male character, but it is a probable train of thought of a serial offender. What do you then?
You need to appeal to the man’s side that you know and appease it, and at the nearest chance you have, call for help. Do not say who you’re with, but rather what is going on. If the unstable offender understands that you’re fleeing him or shunning him, he may get aggressive. Sexual frustrations and inborn obscenity can be a depraved concoction to a man.
You need to understand that as much as you may have loved someone, once that person became a sex offender, they have crossed a line. A line from which you can’t pull them back; they’re lost forever. That person has committed an ultimate sin, and from those there is no going back.
You will have to treat them as strangers and cut all ties with them, lest you’re misinterpreted as inciting the madness. Remember, these suggestions are admittedly rather unfair and focused on the woman’s extraordinary job in a situation in which she IS the indubitable victim, but they’re written in order to stop anything awful from happening to you.
Today’s world is no joke, and if you’re facing it unprepared, you may be in for some very unpleasant surprises.
Inform yourself, inspire yourself and involve yourself.