The very first time I saw her was when she was all surrounded, a large group of pepped up guys and girls around her. Their voices mainly laughter covered the corridors of our college grabbing everybody’s attention.There she was, standing in the middle with her half stretched forced smile looking at each face carefully as if introspecting them all. Every time somebody from the group made a comment on her she would pull the strand of her hair behind her ear and give a warm look. She was neither tired nor affected by those nerd remarks for she was one and a proud one. The one who was not ashamed of this tag.
How could she not feel bad ? I thought to myself observing the whole scenario. I wanted to save her in that moment, the moment she gave her charming ceased smile when someone passed a remark but I was weak. She seemed much stronger for she gracefully walked out of the whole scene without saying a word making others look like a complete fool. Did she even feel bad about all this ? How could she just not say a word, smile and walk away ? All this seemed really difficult for me to understand for she did not look like one of those people who could not take a stand and answer back- she seemed blunt. I wanted her to change, to answer back in the back of my head
I followed her a lot, observed her instead and she always looked so calm and patient. It was irritating to me. How can someone be like this always ? The same people who made fun of her that day, the same people who literally tortured her that day came to her asking for notes. Of course how could she deny, she was something different or pretended to be so. She selflessly gave all her notes to them with the same charming smile, honest and pure than ever and even promised to help if ever they needed. When all had gone she finally noticed me standing there in the corner of the class. We exchanged a totally weird look for I did not feel like smiling back at her- the irritation in my head back.She came up to me with a pile of books in her hands. ” Don’t think bad of me ” she said. ” What? Huh! no….” I fumbled and she laughed. ” Do you also want some? ” she asked looking towards the pile of notes with her pretty eyes. ” No, I can manage my own” I said firmly. ” Oh! sadly I can’t” she said and left
She all the more irritated me with her politeness and sweetness But I was so sure she was always like this , at least ever since I had known her. The feeling of aversion and love towards her was hitting me hard. I wanted to help her and make her understand that she is not supposed to give notes to people who make fun of her, I wanted to make her shout back at each one of them but somehow she seemed mature enough to take her own decisions. I could not judge if she was timid or not.But then the other day I saw her fighting this huge guy for molesting a child, shouting her lungs out and demeaning him for his deeds. Seeing his looks and size I would have avoided it. What was she? Why couldn’t she take the same stand for herself too ? Angry and curious I finally decided to talk to this woman the next day. I held her hand firmly and pulled her in some safe corner. The same charming smile again on her face and it immediately melted me. I just wanted to hold her and kiss her and scold her and hug her- all at the same time. ” I love you too” she said with a grin. My mouth open, another encounter with her not so common personality traits.
” Why do you do this? ” I asked finally. ” Because I am like this only” she replied honestly. How on earth did she know what I was talking about ? ” Why are you so ..” I fumbled again. ” So?” she questioned with her perfectly arched raised eyebrows. ” So…contradicting? ” I said. I listened to her laugh after that for about 10 minutes and fell in love with her over and over again. ” Life is contradicting and so am I ” is all I got as a response to the question I had long in my mind. But I also knew that I would never understand even if she tried explaining to me, I was not capable of understanding her contradictions- Those that made me angry but seemed perfect from her point of view. I accepted them and her too with them.
As for me I fell in love with this woman being the very part of that large group that insulted and bullied her and made fun of her- being the very part of that group I just wanted to hold her hand and run away. My guilt did not allow me to take notes from her that day and now I am proudly the man of this ” woman with contradictions”.