These are just tips and examples that I’m including, that my beta writer had once given me with my instances, too.
There are many important things in a story. One thing that is very important is the setting. I also struggle with this but anyways… When writing the setting, don’t be the writer. Be a character or a reader that is in the story. Pretend you yourself are in the story. What do you see? What do you hear? Smell? Taste? What do you feel? (Not all of these apply to every scene.) Then become a writer and write out what you saw. You don’t have to do this for every single part of the story, but once you write more, you’ll gain experience and know when the time is right to use this word or that word. I will give you an example below. Imagine that you are the main character:
You stood in the ballroom. (Can you imagine this? What do you see? How do you like this sentence?)
You stood in the ballroom, hearing the soft music vibrate gently in your ears. Though you didn’t recognize the song, you found yourself wanting to sway along with the beat. You smiled gently as your eyes traveled across the room, seeing combinations of colorful dresses and dark suits. The light above, shining from the big chandelier, lit the room up gently. You smiled and breathed in, smelling the fresh scent of roses and other numerous amounts of flowers. The white dress fit you perfectly, not too tight nor too loose.
In my opinion, I liked the second way I wrote it better, though now that I read it, the last line sounds really cliché. Hahaha… I thought it gave the reader a better idea of what the ballroom looked like. You don’t have to describe every single thing every single time, but when you change scenes or when something is important, you might want to give a bit more detail.
Another thing that is very important is characterization. You want to reader to be able to get attached to the character. Just throw in some hints once in a while. You can help the readers get to know the character more in many ways. What the character wears, says, the expression, etc. They all help you define the character. Example below:
Sushma walked down the school halls happily, smiling at everyone she knew. A boy stumbled and dropped a pen in front of her and she bent down to pick it up.
“Here you go, be careful next time okay?” she said kindly.
He blushed and mumbled a quick thank you, stumbling through the halls. Accidentally, he bumped into the all important school boy, Rohith. The popular guy looked down to the person who had dared to bump into him. Taking in the glasses and the nerdy outfit, he immediately labeled the guy a geek.
The “geek” as Rohith had put it, immediately started stammering in apology. Rohith just merely rolled his eyes and walked down the hall, winking at the other girls in the hall who he deemed “hot”.
I know, it’s not the best example and it is kind of blunt but I thought it was the quickest way to get to the point. Alright, so by this, what can you tell of their personalities? Can you tell that Sushma is an innocent kind girl? Can you tell that the “geek” was shy, timid, and unconfident… and very bashful? Can you tell that Rohith was arrogant and thought that he was almighty? When you read your story, make sure that you can tell what the character is like. How is his/her personality? Like above, use words, their expressions, their actions, and etc. to help define their personality. Was this part confusing? Do you get what I’m talking about?
It is very important to add character facial expressions in it. Here are a few examples below:
“Get out of my room!”
“Get out of my room!” she screamed loudly, her finger pointed at the door. She was breathing deeply, her chest rising and lowering. Angry tears filled her eyes to the brim, just barely held back.
From this, do you get what I’m saying by pulling out of the character’s emotion a little? With the first sentence, I found it okay. You could tell that the person was mad. When I read the second sentence, I found that the voice was louder, and you heard a little bit more of her emotions. You could tell that she was angry, yet she was also upset. You weren’t able to pick up the fact that she was upset in the first sentence were you? I have another example just in case:
“Thank you!” he said enthusiastically as he smiled, his face suddenly lighting up brightly. The genuine smile reached all the way up to his glimmering eyes.
Does this example help out much? This is my writing style though. Each writer has their own way of writing stories. Search around and read other author’s works to see how they describe stuff. Maybe you’ll find a way that they write their stories, that you like about. )
Details! Details and description bring out an image. You are doing pretty good but there are some spots where it might help. I’ve noticed that you describe things very well in certain areas, but you completely forget to describe the places during the dialogue. You need to spread everything out. I doubt you want one big clump of butter on the corner of the bread, while the rest is plain. I think that you would rather prefer butter that was spread evenly on the bread. Do know what I’m talking about?
“Hello,” he said.
“Oh hey. How are you?”
“So how are you?”
“Oh nothing, I was just looking at the sky.”
“Hello,” he greeted, as he walked toward the bench that his friend was sitting on.
“Oh hey. How are you?” she asked, suddenly looking up from the book that she had in her hands. She smiled, hearing the laughter of the kids on the swings.
“Good,” he answered, occupied with looking around at where he was. He was just walking around the sidewalk when he had spotted her in the playground.
“That’s great,” she smiled, remembering how he was in a bad mood a few days ago. She tilted her head to the side, thinking about something. She looked up to the sky, and squinted her eyes at the bright rays that filled the air above.
“So how are you?”
“It’s bright,” she replied looking back down at him, blinking to get rid of the little dancing white spots left behind for staring at something bright for too long.
“Huh?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
“Oh nothing, I was just looking at the sky,” she laughed, figuring that she must have confused him with the random comment she made.
Do you see, by adding just a few details and other stuff and connecting them with the dialogue, you were able to get a clearer image, and also learn about other things, like how the guy was in a bad mood a few days ago. But compare it to the first one. Do you see how much more you can tell the readers? Now that you reread over it, it’s a really bad example. I accidentally did too much describing, which made you forget what the last character said. My dialogues are also very choppy and it does not flow well. Anyways… You don’t need to describe every single thing but you do need to try to add in a few more details. Enough so that the readers can see what kind of story you are telling them.
One last thing. Don’t be blunt. And let the spirit in you flow free from your fingertips, and onto the keyboard or that piece of paper you’re to scribble your thoughts across.