Waiting in the reception area of the hospital I look into the eyes of the baby sitting in the frame hung on the wall. Events of last night replayed in my head for the umpteenth time since today morning. As I collapsed on the floor of my bathroom last night holding the pregnancy test tool that displayed two red lines that could change my life. And here I am today waiting for my fate to turn its back on me. The nurse calls my name and hands me my blood test results in a brown envelope, I sign on the form and leave the hospital. Taking long strides to my car and then as I glance to the brown envelope in my hands I lower my pace. I did not want to open it now because then maybe I won’t go home. I am in a live in relationship with my boyfriend, which was quite big a decision considering the fact I was going against my parents will and society’s rules. Then it seemed right, it is better to know the person before you commit to spend your life with him. But I did not see this coming; both of us are career focused individuals. On my way driving back home all I could think of was how will he react to the news?
Playing with the folds of the envelope seated on my bed I was still not sure if I am ready to read the result. Because somewhere down there in the pit of my stomach I knew what the answer will be and I knew the consequences too. It has been three years since I last spoke to my parents, they did not encourage me for a live in relationship. Just like any other father would think my dad had his answer ready for when I walked into his study to ask him for his opinion on my decision.” In a country like India marriage is not only between two people but two families” he had said. “No one will accept you Vrinda because you will be touched by someone already and someone who you are not married to “he added. There was no room left for me to argue because he was talking about the character certificate that is issued to every female virtually. You become the talk of the houses, the topic they discuss on the dining table. You know thakur’s daughter had a divorce and savla’s daughter in law fled with some 40 year oldie? I laughed at the thought when society will have something new to gossip about- my live in relationship! I had to pay the price though I had to leave my family ties behind before I walked out of the house with my suitcase. But that was for the best I thought, I don’t believe in the concept of arrange marriages, not that it is wrong but spending your life with a complete stranger. Maybe we would discover each other eventually but I cringed at the thought. I was different a deviant maybe. At least I won’t pay the price for what society chose for me. There are certain things that come with following your heart, it is those disgusted looks people give you when you walk by and people who you know becomes the once you knew.
I heard the keys clacking that broke me out of my thoughts; I saw the watch it read 9:00pm Arnab’s time to come home. That was enough a realization when my heart rate picked up, my palms felt sweaty, I felt a tug in my stomach, it was just like the way I hyperventilated before my exams. I stood up and walked to the door, there he was loosening his tie. When he saw me his lips broke into this million dollar smile, yes he loved me and suddenly I found the confidence to remove the brown envelope from behind me and hand it over to him. A million expressions ran through his eyes but disappointment and hatred were never there. I walked closer to him attempting to hold his hand, waiting for the blow to come when he will tell me that he has nothing to do with the child and I can walk out of the house that very moment and then I will have nowhere else to go. But that never came and the next thing I know was that I could no longer feel the floor under my feet as he lifted me and peppered my face with kisses. For a second I thought he read the report wrong but then maybe I underestimated his love for me.
We wanted the baby. We loved each other but we were happy as and where we were. We will get married when we feel the time is right. But that time won’t be what society suggests or permits because important decisions of your life are not supposed to be taken by the society or the guidelines it prescribed. You are the one to decide what is wrong for you and what is not. Just maybe when we get married I will have my parents by my side and one day they will understand what I did was not wrong just different. Do not ever let the screams of the people overpower that little voice in your heart.